Product Description
A guided meditation in which you slowly gain weight, despite all attempts to stop it, describing in detail how it feels in your body, in your clothes and in your mind.
It might sound like we’re predicting your future … imagining this scenario together … and that’s probably fair, because it will come true …… a day arrives when you’ve dressed in some go-to sweats … you’re grabbing a bag of delivered takeout from outside your door …. in a reflection of glass, you spot yourself at an angle, from the front and side …. you pause a moment … realizing how tight your clothes look … how chubby you appear …. you close the door and set the food on the table before walking to the bathroom …. you study yourself in the mirror … the outfit does look small on you … but it’s an old one. You’ve had it forever. Think of all the times it’s gone through the dryer, shrinking a bit each time. It’s a wonder it’s in one piece. You’re older than you were when you first wore it, so it feels natural you would be bigger than your younger self, right? …. you step onto the scale. It’s been a while. You’re not sure if the number is higher than it should be … or if it rising has been a recent change or something long term, gone unnoticed. Either way, it feels manageable. You can take the extra off. In fact you will, starting now …..
You decide to enroll in exercise classes …. you’ll begin dieting as soon as you clear out your fridge and pantry … it won’t hurt you to binge a bit with what you have left. After all, you’re going to begin dieting very soon …..
You attend a boot camp class and the exercise is hard … you’re doing far less than you remember being capable of … but you make it through the class, albeit skipping every other exercise … but it’s a start and you know you’ll keep going …. you even manage to go 3 days out of the next week …
You still need to write out your new diet and your cabinets are now empty … you’ll grab takeout for breakfast and lunch today, maybe grab fast food for dinner to save money. Just until you have a chance to write down a plan …. if you have to do it again tomorrow or the next day, it’s not a big deal …..
Whenever you think of dieting, you’re immediately starving …. you can only think of fattening foods, crunchy carbs and stuffing yourself with chocolate candies as soon as you’ve finished a meal …. the exercise isn’t improving quickly and your motivation is fading …. you’re noticing more of your clothes are feeling small on you … even newer clothes ….. you’re more mindful that fewer people are checking you out in public than when you were younger … you begin to feel a sense of humiliation … wanting to hide around others when you see them stare at your body … but feeling a small thrill too …..
Maybe it’s not that bad … you were exercising there for a bit. Your body was probably craving protein to build new muscle … the extra 15lbs on the scale right now is just muscle … or at least mostly muscle …. you’ll lose fat soon … muscle burns fat ……
Your clothes are starting to ride up on you … you’re constantly shifting them to keep your gut and ass cheeks hidden …. pulling away the fabric as it clings to you … feeling naked around others … clothes leaving nothing to the imagination now … a rush of blood to the cheeks when you reach overhead and your belly falls out …..
It’s 40lbs now …. your feet are sore and tired … your legs out of shape … your posture sagging … feeling more tired and out of shape … does that make sense? You were exercising there for a couple weeks … and it wasn’t that long ago … was it? …… you’re failing to shed the weight … but it’s not you … you can still slim down …. they’re judging you unfairly when they scoff or scowl at your fat body …. it’s not forever …..
60lbs now …. you tore your favorite pair of underwear this morning, trying to shove your fat cheeks and thighs into them …. your step ladder creaks under you while watering the plants on your fridge ….. your skin feels itchy and taught … your face is round. You don’t recognize yourself … you’re hungry all the time … try as hard as you can … you can’t lose the weight and you only crave more …. you’ve failed … you’re going to keep failing … maybe you know that now … maybe you won’t keep fooling yourself soon …. you’re 80lbs heavier after all …. none of your clothes fit …. you don’t even really want to lose the weight … you just want to eat … and to grow … and for all the fit jocks you pass on the street to hold you down …. play with your fat while laughing at you …. and shove more food down your throat … before taking you and marking you as their own ……
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